Ellis Burks is back in da hizzy fo' shizzy

That's right folks, Ellis Burks, one of Danny Duquette's "injury risk" non-signings, is coming back to town to be our first bat off the bench and a DH for days when we face tough lefties.

He's going to be making a grand total of 750,000 bucks, or a little over a million if he gets a large number of at-bats. This guy hit .300 with 28 homers and 90 RBIs in 2002 before he had a nerve injury in his wrist which made him miss most of 2003. I LOVE this signing, we now have a great pinch hitter who actually has some power and a good batting eye. Much as I love Dave McCarty, he's not even in the same league.

This has really got to be it for team signings though, we've gone bonkers with waiver pickups and cheap signings, we've resigned all the important guys from last year, and we've signed a proven, veteran manager. Oops, well you know what the song says, 2 outta 3 ain't bad!

To anyone who didn't immediately close the browser after reading that last statement, I apologize. SO, unless something huge happens to mess things up yet again, here's your 2004 Boston Red Sox:

CF Johnny Damon
3B Bill Mueller
SS Nomar Garciaparra
LF Manny Ramirez
DH David Ortiz
1B Kevin Millar
RF Trot Nixon
C Jason Varitek
2B Pokey Reese

Pedro Martinez
Derek Lowe
Curt Schilling
Tim Wakefield
B. Kim

Bench: Gabe Kapler, Dave McCarty, Ellis Burks, Mark Bellhorn, Doug Mirabelli

Bullpen: Bronson Arroyo, Mike Timlin, Scott Williamson, Alan Embree, Keith Foulke, Random Garbage LOOGY

How sick of a team is THAT? It seriously gave me goosebumps to just write it down. A few things:

Schilling is third to break up the fastball guys from the breaking ball guys, Theo's big into the idea that in a series the hitters shouldn't see two fastball guys in a row.

The bullpen has an open spot, but then again so do lots of bullpens. It doesn't worry me too much, maybe the Sox can have a "Be the random lefty we sometimes trot out to give up 6 runs to save the bullpen in the 8th inning of a blowout game" contest every day. I'd sure enter.

Because I feel the need to take full advantage of my uncharacteristic optimism regarding this team, before Curt Schilling's rotator cuff grinds itself into itty bitty little pieces which will resemble my soul, I'm going to merrily compare this team to my two favorite teams in the whole world, the Mets and Yankees.

Offense:

Mets: Described as "devastating" by both TSN beat writers and Mike's mom, I look at both the teams offensive prowess last year (BARELY outscored the Dodgers) and who they signed this year (A strikeout machine who hit like shit at Safeco field and will in Shea as well, an unproven Japanese shortstop with blue hair, and Vlad Guerrero. Oops, another list that was 2/3 true, sorry about that!). This team will not score more than 750 runs next year. Bank on it.

Red Sox: Same exact team that nearly scored 1000 runs, broke the 1927 Yankees team record for Slugging % (which I am assured actually means something), and once scored 11 runs in the first inning of a game before a single man got out. All we're missing is Todd Walker, whose 12 home runs and .280 batting average will not be sorely missed. Combine that with the fact that except for Mueller, none of our guys had what could be called a "career year" and you can bet the farm that scoring runs will be no problem whatsoever

Yankees: Declining Giambi and Williams + Broken Boone + Posada and Sheffield being older than dirt + loss of the entire bench from last year = Better hope the pitching is a lot better than last year (See next section)


Rotation

Mets: Starting four have an average age of 33.5, an average ERA of well over 4, and an average weight of 189.4 (in case you were interested). This is all while playing half their games in an extreme pitchers park. Oh well, maybe whoever wins the fifth job out of spring training will fix all those numbers.

Red Sox: B. Kim is the most talented (if not exactly the "best" or "most stable") 5th starter in baseball. Schilling is the only true geezer in there, but has shown no signs of slowing down.

Yankees: Explosive decompression of the rotation has left them with Mussina (Durable, but can't seem to get the ol' ERA much under 4 these days), Jon Lieber (Won 20 games for the Cubs, also tied with Robert Person for "Worst 20 win season ever", career ERA is 4.18, strikes out less than Catherine Zeta Jones on singles night at a bar) Jose Contreras (....), Kevin Brown (Older than dirt, isn't pitching at Chavez Ravine anymore) and of course Javier Vasquez (Nothing bad to say about him, too bad he can't start 162 games)

Bullpen

Mets: Anchored by 43 year old Jon Franco, and Braden Looper, a thrice-dethroned closer, this bullpen also apparently has several "good, young arms", at least according to Mike and any other Mets fan desperate for positive spins to put on this team. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the Bullpen will be the one non-embarassment of the team

Boston: Mike "Time for huntin me some deers" Timlin and Scott Williamson will be comfortable in their 7th and 8th inning (respectively) roles, Foulke is the second best closer in the AL, and the rest of the guys can take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned.

Yankees: Theoretically they're better, however with some slight injury risks on board (Paul Quantrill, Flash Gordon, Steve Karsay, Mariano Rivera) the trick is for them to STAY better. Especially considering that the only bullpen help "waiting" is guys like Danny Borrell and Brett Prinz


I KNOW Sox fans say every winter that "this year" we've got all we need to win the World Series, but THIS year is different (yeah, we say that too). THIS year is so much more hopeful than all the previous "this years" that it's not even funny (YEAH, I know, we say THAT a lot too, it's different this year though. Just shut up). Name one year that we had a rotation this good, an elite closer, AND that the Yankees were THIS awful.

So sure, within a week I'll be back to screaming incessantly that the Sox will find a way to blow it again. And sure, our closer appears to have Down's Syndrome. And there's that whole thing. And this.

But screw all of that. I honestly have not only hope, but confidence that the Red Sox are going to do well in 2004. And by "do well" I mean go to the playoffs, and make a lot of noise. I don't know if it's the new ownership, Theo, the players, or what, but I know Sox fans are going to have something the cheer about in late October this year.