Well well well, ol' Baldy has come out into the open long enough to talk baseball (that's a phrase we baseball folks use) and let the cat out of the bag (which is a term we cat-baggers use) about some aspects of the team. What've ya got for us, Terry?
Francona: I've talked to [assistant trainer] Chris Correnti, who has been monitoring Ramiro (Mendoza) in Fort Myers, and Chris said he's doing outstanding. Of course throwing the ball in January, February and March is a little different than April, May and June, but it's a good start. This kid was a valuable commodity with the Yankees. We'll give him every opportunity to bounce back and hopefully he'll be the pitcher he was. When he's throwing good, he can pitch the ninth one day and the first the next. Sure, he had a rough year. That happens in this game. That doesn't mean you write somebody off.
Wow, what a great idea! Have Mendoza work as often as possible, sometimes even in the 9th inning! I mean, the man DOES have 16 saves, let's just ignore the 16 blown saves he also has under his belt. And sure he's 31, has a career ERA of 4.2, and withers away and dies in pressure situations faster than my ability to speak around girls, but sure, why the hell not. Go nuts with 'im, Terry!
It's been suggested that I'm a little too hard on poor Francona. I'll admit that, I should probably wait until he's truly earned it to start venomously lashing out at him like this. Lord knows it'll happen soon enough.
Because I can't resist taking shots at the Yankees, I'd like to call to your attention their latest signing, namely the 1 year, 2 mil contract they're offering to Devil Rays castoff Travis Lee. 2 million bucks for a backup 1B is so patently Yankees that it makes me feel all warm inside. He has to be a backup, every game he plays is a game where
Giambi sits out
or
Williams sits out
or
Lofton sits out, Williams plays center field, slowly hobbles towards a fly ball, gaspingly heaves the ball as hard as he can in a random direction, Derek Jeter catches the ball while 15 steps in the outfield.
and
Kyle laughs heartily
I guess this deal more than likely means Tony "The Large Striped Cat" Clark (Note: No one calls him that) and his 750,000 dollar deal are just going to be filed under "Roster Moves Steinbrenner drunkenly screams from his office which are swept under the rugs as quickly as humanly possible". I've given up trying to figure out just what the hell the Yankees are trying to accomplish at this point. Their actions are at best irrational and pointless, and at worst self destructive, like Mike keeping a condom in his wallet.
Speaking of barking mad roster moves, one of my HEROES from yesteryear has apparently found himself not only a major league job, but one with a contending team.
JOSE OFFERMAN? Granted, I loved the guy, but that's only because he became clinically insane sometime in 2002. Remember that, he got released and didn't know about it until a reporter asked him for his feelings on it? His reply (actual quote) "You're full of shit. What? No. You fucking treat me with respect. You treat me like a fucking player!" and then he left the room crying. Can't make stuff like that up.
Anyways, Jose Offerman managed a muscular .232 batting average in the last year a big league club was stupid enough to pay him money to do anything (2002). He stole 5 bases. And now the Twins are going to pay him 500,000 DOLLARS (not Lira or Yen, I checked) if he makes the big league club, which he almost certainly will. That's about 499,940 dollars too much to pay Offerman for anything he is capable of doing, baseball related or not.
Since I'm getting REALLY bored of waiting for there to be some news about the Sox, I've decided to predict the top three stories that will pop up when Spring Training starts
Pedro Martinez shows up 3 days late, 30 pounds overweight, and with bolts sticking out of his right shoulder
This one actually won't be too surprising. Pedro always shows up late, and I know we always send him back to his wonderful war-zone of a country telling him to bulk up some, so why does it always go to his freaking chin? If he wants a contract of more than 3 years or 14 million per year, I think it's time to let him go. He's not clutch anymore, he's a bad clubhouse presence, and that shoulder has got to give out on him someday. Torn rotator cuffs don't just go away. (See: Martinez, Ramon)
Nomar shows up with strained neck from sleeping the previous night in the garage after he is caught voting for Heather Mitts as the hottest female athlete ever.
All right Red Sox fans who read this site (both of you), listen up. I love Nomar. LOVE him. I was at Fenway his second game back from the wrist thing in 2001 and I saw Scott Shields throw at his head and I jumped to my feet and literally screamed at the tops of my lungs "KILL HIM!!!!! KILL SCOTT SHIELDS NOW!!!!". Having said that, the man just isn't the same anymore. He can barely hit .300 and doesn't knock in runs anymore. He'll have his incredible 5/5 days, but it's always in situations like a game against Detroit when we already have a 5 run lead. The following 2004 "clutch hitting" stats for Nomar aren't pretty, but then again neither is he (He's not, ladies. The man perpetually looks like he recently lost in a barfight. Badly)
Avg with men on: .289
Avg with runners in scoring position: .279
Avg with bases loaded: .200
Avg with men on, 2 out: .212
Avg with men in scoring position, 2 out: .228
Avg with man on third, less than 2 out, Kyle in the fetal position sobbing and praying: .000, 1 billion outfield popups.
4 years, 60 million was too much, and he already turned that one down. I hate to say it, but Nomar's probably going to be gone after 2004, and it'll probably be best for the team that he is.
Manny Ramirez arrives at camp wearing some sort of anime-style Hentai tentacle demon costume, demanding to be allowed to bring his pet chinchilla into the dugout
Nothing Manny does can phase me anymore. I've given up trying to figure him out. The phrase "Manny is just being Manny" could be used while he sitting in the dugout, slowly and methodically chiseling his teeth out with a screwdriver while the Sox are in the field, and I'd accept it.
Collective world conciousness stirs, looks up, blinks, exclaims "Hey, wait a second... Alan Embree sucks!"
I can accept a lot of things. I can accept that a bleacher seat this year is going to cost me 23 goddamn dollars. I can accept that some people honestly think Pokey Reese is going to put more than 30 balls into play this season. I can accept that one of the most popular Red Sox blogs in existence has a poorly constructed, rambling post about dog shows and titties for their current top story and is still one of the most popular Red Sox blogs in existance. But I refuse to accept that we are going into spring training with Alan Embree being our top lefty specialist AGAIN. Theo, buddy, I know you love these new age stats, but GODDAMMIT HE'S ALAN EMBREE. LEFTIES HIT HIM OVER 40 POINTS HIGHER THAN RIGHTIES!!!! (.261/.221). I hate Alan Embree, he's touted as being a left hander who throws 98 MPH for strikes who is deadly in the later innings, when in actuality he's a left hander who throws 94 on a GOOD night and those "strikes" usually end up being deposited in the right field bleachers because his fastball is straighter than a laser beam and he doesn't have a single other pitch to throw. Get RID of him.
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