It's all coming apart

The Red Sox express train service to Healthyville, USA derailed recently, with Nomar, Nixon, and Kim all succumbing to horrible injuries and being listed as "unlikely" for the start of the season. Let's look at these injuries in order of the amount I cried when hearing the news.


Nixon: Out till May at least. But we all know that's figured in "Let's avoid mass hysteria and suicide problems" time. More realisticly, Nixon might be back in the swing of things by mid-June. He could theoretically be back in the lineup before then, but Nixon's a slow starter and I don't think he'll be hitting in a useful capacity before then.

Time like this I'm even more glad to have Burks than usual. Burks is completely capable of hitting as well as Nixon. I honestly believe that. Therefore, Burks displaces Ortiz at DH, Ortiz displaces Millar at first, Millar goes into RF and hopefully hits well enough to make his comical "Help dear Lord what am I DOING out here I'm gonna die oh God oh God oh God" expression on his face acceptable. Seriously, watch him out there some time, he looks like a deer caught in headlights.


Nomar: I TOLD you Nomar's Achilles injury was more of a big deal than was let on. Luckily, Nomar somehow got his PHD at Georgia Tech and explained the situation for us

"The good news is, there's nothing wrong with the tendon," Garciaparra said, sounding very much like a physician. "What [the MRI] did show was some swelling around the tendon, some fluid that gets caught around the sheath that surrounds the tendon in the bursa sac area that's right below the Achilles' [tendon]. When you're dealing with an area like that, where there's not a whole lot of skin, it just takes a while to get rid of that inflammation."

I had three immediate thoughts after reading this:

#1. NOMAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
#2. Hee hee hee, he used the words "sheath", "sac", and "swollen"
#3. Bullshit

Nomar's not going to be ready for the start of the season. He might be forced into playing anyways, but he has 9 at-bats this whole year and won't be healthy enough to even start swinging a bat until a day or two before the season starts. Hopefully it won't be a lingering thing, but......


Byung Hyun Kim (Last time you'll ever see me write out his name): The back apparently isn't the issue anymore, now we just have to deal with a sore shoulder and his crippling emotional problems. I'm less high on Arroyo than I was a few weeks ago, seeing as how he's gotten nuked like week old Chinese Food recently, so let's hope Kim can come back sometime vaguely soon and earn his ridiculous salary. Hey, anyone's better than Charcoal.

Ladies and Gentleman, Manny Ramirez is completely, utterly insane. Not just "goofy" or "Being Manny" like everyone says, this is a man who if he couldn't hit a baseball would be locked in the cellar and fed mashed potatoes and table scraps through a doggy door. He recently talked to the press, tongue in cheek, about his chances of making the team after a relatively poor spring training:

``I need help, man,'' said Ramirez, laughing heartily at the idea of him helping others. ``I ain't trying to help nobody, I need help myself. I'm trying to help myself. I don't even know what I'm doing here, like I'm going to help somebody - like (Carlos) Febles, comes up to me, `Hey, what am I doing wrong?'

' "Hey, you're talking to the wrong guy, I've only got two hits in spring training.' ''

Manny then went on to incoherently babble:

``I'm trying to make this team, there's only one spot left,'' Ramirez said. ``New manager, I've got to surprise him, that's the way I think. I've got to surprise him, man, that's the way I think. Every year's a new year, whatever you do next year, it's all over. This is the year, man.'' '

Ramirez then took off his shoes and ate them, screamed that Gummy Bears were inside his head and chewing on his brain, and ran through a wall leaving a Ramirez-shaped hole in the plaster. God I love this guy.

Despite the injury problems the Sox spring training record is 9-6. We've got some people hitting well and great pitching so far, and what's looking like a great team come April 4th. Let's roll.