Red Sox Spring Training Fashion Report 2004

Fulfilling my duties as a desperately, desperately needed foil to Mike's relentless class and seriousness (Getting quoted in area newspapers? I had a dream about this blog Mike, and that was not it. THAT WAS NOT IT!)

Perhaps in an effort to do everything possible to distance themselves from the 2003 team that drew my soul from my body like a baster drawing turkey juice and then squirted into the trash, several key members of the Red Sox have got some pretty radical fashion changes going on. Let's get straight to it!

Johnny Damon:
Once described by a particularly insane announcer as having "Boy Band Good Looks" and "A square-ish jaw", Johnny D apparently has either been caught up in all this recent Jesus Hoopla or was just plain sick of women finding him attractive.

Old Johnny:


Man I look like a tool, this bat is like a foot long

New Johnny


Come with me if you want to live



Manny Ramirez, no stranger to being a total fashion nightmare, has decided that he's got a bunch of shiny body suits, and he's got the body to back them up, honey

Old Manny


This is the least weird picture of me there is? Damn

New Manny


Oh that's right, I went there



Pedro's another one who's been known to avoid letting common sense get in the way of his fashion sense

Old Pedro


No comment

New Pedro


Pedro didn't look enough like Michael Jackson to satisfy Pedro's needs. Shut up media!

And of course Alan Embree looks the same, but I can't resist a picture of him ackwardly hugging Dave Wallace, (The Red Sox pitching coach. The one without a prostate the size of a baseball. Get it? Baseball? HA HA HA!!!)




For some slightly more substantial news, Pedro took the mound and threw 49 pitches. Apparently he mixed in curveballs and changeups and felt "fantastic" so that's good news. He's also been talking about his velocity being up at this point in the year. Pedro used to throw 98 consistently before his rotator cuff tore, so maybe he's conciously trying to show the blazing heat he used to have in order to up his market value? If that's the case, I wouldn't be terribly surprised to see a horrifying breakdown in June or July. Please take it easy, Peds. Oh, and thanks for the 5 month belated shot at Grady.

There's no link for this, but be assured there's a slightly more vomit inducing than usual rumor floating around that next year, the Yankees would like to sign Nomar to play second base. I'm not going to mince words, if that happens, I am going to cease watching baseball for a period of no less than 8 zillion years. Ugh.

Check back Wednesday for other exciting news bits, such as Bill Muller stating that he's a pretty boring guy. Well, actually, that article is pretty much the whole thing. Curses! See you on Friday then.