Do They Make Bonds' Arm Guards for Hamstrings?

Driving home from work the other day, I tuned the radio to 1050 ESPN and caught the tail end of a debate on the "Wally and the Keeg" show about whether or not the Mets should pitch to Barry Bonds. As far as I could tell, the main argument for pitching to him had something to do with "pride", "competitive spirit", and "cojones". This did not surprise me, given the source (we all know that if there were an arbiter for pride and cojones in this merciless world of ours, it would be named either Wally or "The Keeg" and have a radio show), and indeed the entire discussion charted a predictable course, including its thrilling and highly original conclusion:

Wally (I am assuming this was Wally although it may very well have been "The Keeg"): Ok, so what about the argument that walking Bonds gives the Mets the best chance of winning?

"The Keeg": ...well, seriously, what do the Mets care about winning?

Wally: Ha ha ha, I know, I was just about to say that!

"The Keeg": Ha ha, you know, we're way cooler than Mike and the Mad Dog.

Wally: Totally bro. I feel you.

As it turned out, the game held more surprises than that high-five worthy reparte. Bonds rolled out of bed yesterday and noticed he had a slight head cold (where the adjective slight is obviously referring to the severity of his illness and not the size of his gargantuan block). He didn't play, and Wilpon didn't downgrade the game to a Sheet Rock Value price as would befit a game played against the godawful Giants without their only legitimate namesake. At least the Mets didn't disappoint, rocking Brett Tomko or whoever pitched for the Giants and is uninteresting enough I might confuse him with Tomko.

And what do you know -- looking at the standings, we're four Trachsel starts and Marlins Tommy Johns from leading the division. And we've almost scored more runs than we've allowed. When you're rooting for the team who's slogan should really be "Expect the Expected", it's the little things that get you through.