Charcoal's on a roll

Hola Amigos, I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been in it up to my eyeballs lately, ya know?

Nah, not really. The Sox, much like Mike with my cousin Clyde, have finished early and left everyone unsatisfied. Nothing new in FA land to report, except for the signing of a token lefty reliever in Nick Beirbodt. Also Big Willy Style Scotty Boy (Scott Williamson, to the layperson) has been re-signed for an undisclosed amount. I like that move, as long as he doesn't bitch and moan about setting up for Foulke.

Trot Nixon (sometimes called Trot-Rod by insanely cool people such as myself) is also on the verge of signing a 3 year deal for around 7 million per, which would be a huge hometown discount. Nixon's something of an enigma. He's still basically a glorified platoon player, seeing as how this last season he hit .220 against lefties and is really past the age where he can be expected to learn how. But he still is nearing the point where a .280 average, 25 homers, and 90 RBIs can be expected every year. That's worth more than what we're going to pay him, depressed market or not. He used to be my favorite player, I was a big Trot Nixon fan back in 2000 when no one noticed he had the second highest batting average on the team after Nomar. He knocked a cup of beer off the side of the fence after not getting to a fly ball one time though, and call me a loser but that bothered me. A Fenway beer costs like 7 bucks, you asshole. He didn't even buy the guy a new one. What kind of guy would do that? A guy who's not MY favorite anymore, that's who!

Something that did kind of catch my eye has been the multiple reports of the Yankees having interest in our good friend John "Charcoal" Burkett. Okay, okay, that article's mostly about him bowling 300's or buying MLB extra innings with the 5 million we paid him last year or some crap, but he DOES mention the Yankees wanting to talk to him, and several reputable sources other than the friendly bum who lives in our dumpster have reported the same interest.

I for one would just like to say that I'm all for the decrepit old man signing with 'em. First of all, it takes any of their five starters out of the rotation and into the bullpen, and replaces it with a 40 year old arm that can barely throw 85 MPH anymore (I'm not joking, he once threw 86 MPH at the letters and it got crushed for a home run. Jerry Remy said "Burkett tried to dial it up and climb the ladder there, either that or he hung a curveball. I can't tell anymore." God bless the man and his ridiculous mustache). Also, we'd be sure to get him at least twice, and the only thing that makes me more excited than the prospect of the Sox all getting a few turns at Burkett is the thought of all the Sox getting a few turns at Burkett while I get a lap dance.

Thank Goodness Nomar's not holding over any irrational anger over that whole "blatantly trying to stick you in Chicago so we could get a 15% upgrade in offense at shortstop" thing. Frankly I don't think anyone boning Mia Hamm has much right to complain about his lot in life regardless, but it's nice to see he's fully committed to having a monster season in 2004 that will thoroughly overprice him so he can go to the Tigers and lose 110 games with them for 18 million a year before he gives up and gains 175 pounds and gets traded to the Mets for Mike Piazza, three sacks of magic beans, and a kick in the nuts.

Guess who's no longer out of a job? That's right, Living hero to Short Bus passengers around the world Grady Little has been hired by the clearly drunken Cubs as one of their minor league scouting directors. He'll now be responsible for burying dead hookers the rookies got a little too rough with, and evaluating minor leaguers included in any trades (Hey Cubbies, better take it with a grain of salt if he says a starting pitcher will be good for 8 innings every time out, huh? Hahahaha WHY WON'T I DIE)

Just wanted to take a second and give a shout-out to all the great blogs who've linked to us and gotten us FAR more traffic than this site really deserves. Without you guys we'd just be another Top of The Ninth Red Sox blog (which we recently passed in terms of site hits), and no I'm not bitter that they never got back to me when I asked them to check out our site, why do you ask?