Huh, that's weird, the programming director hadn't informed me that yesterday was going to be a "very special" episode of East Coast Agony. I must've missed the memo, sorry Mike.
So I've been thinking a lot. About our management situation. I try not to, because I already have high blood pressure, but it just kind of happens. Now, don't get me wrong, I would have refused to watch a single game Grady was managing. Even though the Red Sox are my only real distraction from the smoking train derailment that is my life, there is absolutely no way I would've been able to watch that man sitting in our dugout.
So the Sox needed a new manager, preferably one who wouldn't have the mannerisms and IQ of a paramecium. Now I don't know anything about the other candidates for the job that didn't end up getting hired, I'm far too lazy to look up any info about them. Please feel free to check out a Sox blog that isn't a crime against humanity for any useful comparisons. I don't know if we got the "best" guy or not.
I DO feel like writing about how much Terry Francona worries me, however. And before everyone starts in with that "Sox fans are never happy with anything" spiel, I'll have you know that despite the fact Grady was hired DURING spring training in 2002, I never worried about him. He was a total unknown, but the team was good enough that they would make any vaguely comptenent man able to manage them. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He made me pay dearly for it in the end, but I didn't say a bad word about him.
Anyways, back to Francona. What do we know about him?
* He's 44
* He ran the '97-00 Phillies into the ground, compiling a woeful 285-363 record. He never won more than 77 games and was eventually canned.
* We hired him because we were 75% impressed with him, and 25% for Schilling
* He was Michael Jordan's coach in AA Birmingham for the White Sox
* He promptly fired 80% of our coaching staff so he could give the jobs to friends
That's it. Also he's been described as a "'player's manager' for his breezy, personal style and willingness to allow veteran stars to police themselves." This is just wonderful news for me to hear, he's carefree and easygoing. Certainly that description doesn't conjure images of OUR PREVIOUS MANAGER WHO WAS FIRED FOR BEING TOO LOOSE AND CAREFREE. Apparently he even let the verteran players pick their own off days. I can only imagine how good this'll play out
Francona: So Manny, when's a good day off for you? June 16th?
Manny: Actually I was hoping the 20th
Francona: Oh, uh, we play the Yankees that day
Manny: I know but there's an Anime convention that day. Either give me the day off or I'll just claim I have Bubonic Plague and go anyways, but that way I'll bring Erick Almonte with me.
Francona: Uhhh....how about you Pedro? When works for you?
Pedro: July
Francona: July what?
Pedro: The whole month
Francona: What?
Pedro: July is too hot. I won't pitch. If you argue with me it's because you hate Dominicans and are racist. Now give me 25 million dollars.
So we have a manager who is going to likely be soft with our players, has not shown the slightest trace of ability to manage a major league team, and hired mostly as a PR stunt. Just...awesome.
In other news, the Sox have signed Reynaldo Garcia, a relief pitcher unconditionally released by the Rangers. He has a career ERAIP of 1.25, which is a statistic I just made up which stands for Earned Run Average per Inning Pitched. It's a low number that some people might mistakenly think is his real ERA, so maybe I won't get made fun of as much. I like that he gave up exactly 18 runs in 18 innings last year, which made his real ERA insanely easy to calculate. He also gave up 6 homers and had a K/BB ratio of 1:1. I'm through being even slightly rational, I officially hate Reynaldo Garcia. I know nothing about him other than his limited stats in pro baseball but I still despise him with a fiery passion. I can only hope something or someone seriously injures him before he is ever able to step onto the mound during an actual game. I honestly think Theo has figured out who I am and is testing me. He already built the "real" team, now it's just a big game of chicken between he and I where he sees just how ridiculous his waiver claims/fringe signings can get before I mail him a ticking package.
There's also some questions about which of our studly second basemen will be starting. Pokey Reese or Mark Bellhorn were both equally terrible last year, Pokey was better defensively and Bellhorn didn't hideously injury himself and miss the entire season. It was a toss up.
Bellhorn has 2002 going for him, when he hit 27 homers and had a .258/.374/.512 line. Unfortunately Bellhorn also has "the rest of his career" going against him, where he's hit .208/.320/.306.
Reese's last decent year was '99. He spent most of last year nursing a torn thumb ligament, and before the injury was looking about as comfortable at the plate as Michael J. Fox would without a batting helmet facing Randy Johnson. He's guaranteed to be starting every one of D-Lowe's games, at least. Additionally, if I were a betting man, I'd say he'll be the starting second baseman every day, just because he's great defensively and, again, we can afford to lose a little offensive punch.
Lastly, special shouts out to Petitio and HighandInside, two female readers who've staked their own claim in the arid, bitter wasteland that is Internet Baseball Writing. I guess I shouldn't jump to such hasty conclusions about the demograpghics of our readership, I said we have no female readers and now I know we have at least two, which is actually like 40% of all the regular readers here. I KNOW there's no high-powered business executives who would like to offer me a job based soley on my ability to make Mo Vaughn Jokes who read this, though.
Speaking of Mo, good luck with the rest of your life. Thanks for waiting till you left Boston to suck.
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