Paint by(passing) numbers

After a brief but impassioned stint as a Yankees writer, I’ve decided it’s time to return to the real world. Can you blame me, though, for just once wanting to jot down some thoughts on a real baseball story instead of succumbing to the hair-trigger apoplectic fits and penchant for self-deprecating comedy that are the hallmarks of Mets fandom? If I didn’t take the occasional holiday, my admittedly vast well of rage would eventually sputter out, leaving me scrabbling at the bottom of the content barrel – in other words, recycling Big K’s material.

(Q: What do you call it when someone cuts Mo Vaughn in the McDonald’s line?
A: A suicide squeeze! Yeah! Stay with me! Next week: Mets Madlibs!)

Even with that refreshing vacation, I’m finding it tougher than usual to join most Mets bloggers in preaching a crusade against Duquette for his mortal sins of trading Cerda and signing Spencer and Zeile. I’m going to do something absolutely crazy and revolutionary here, and analyze the moves without using statistics as my primary arbiter.

Trading Jaime Cerda to the Royals for Steve Sputnik or whatever: This move bothered me, but only slightly. I enjoyed watching Cerda’s fine pitching cut through the doldrums near the end of our 2002 season. He was young and good – two things the rest of our team was not – so after that year’s miserable effort moseyed on down to its final level of Hell, I filed away Cerda’s development along with Tom Glavine’s retirement as “Mets Events I’m Anticipating Eagerly”. I don’t really know what happened to him last year, but whether it was an injury aggravated by Benitez sobbing a little too dramatically on his shoulder or simply bad (read: typical) luck, he was wholly ineffective. This means I’m still rooting for him and would’ve been happy to see him recapture his skill with the Mets, but also that I can’t really complain about him being traded.

As for the pitcher we got for him, apparently he’s some former minor league pitcher of the year. While I think that’s about as accurate a predictor of future stardom as being voted most likely to succeed in grade school, I think he’s worth a shot. You can never have too much pitching, right? (And that’s another reason I don’t mind Cerda going, incidentally; don’t we have a surplus of bullpen quality arms waiting in the wings? Are relievers really all that difficult to replace?)

Saving Shane Spencer’s Career: No problems with this signing at all. We’ve known for a while that Spencer was a likely platoon candidate with his fellow ex-Yankee Garcia in right. Aside from that, all I know about Spencer is what little I picked up while he was with the Bombers. I remember reading about his tremendous power, and then of course how he never panned out as a regular. Maybe he just needs the right opportunity; I hope he makes the team. Hopefully Spring Training will reveal a bit more of his demeanor.

Funding Todd Zeile’s Retirement: I liked Zeile when he was last with us and just slightly younger. I can’t imagine him being a very effective starter for us, but thankfully barring a catastrophic two on two pickup b-ball game between Phillips/Piazza and Wilson/Wigginton, we won’t have to find out. Why not sign a guy that everyone gets along with and who can play decent defense at two defensively-challenged positions for the club? What’s a million dollars or so to Jazzy Jeff Wilpon? Right, about like a hundred bucks for you or me. Plus, he’s a tangible link to a time when the Mets did not suck, and seeing him on the bench will hopefully allow broadcasters to reference that time and help us forget the past two years ever happened.

My dear Brothers and Sisters: Don't worry about all of these garbage-time bit part deals. Make like one of Kyle’s favorite romance novel heroines and clutch your pessimism to your bosom, if you must. Sob, if you have to. But realize that things could be a lot worse. We could have Garth Brooks stealing at bats from Mike Glavine in Spring Training, and that, my friends, would never do. Enjoy baseball while you still can (until the regular season starts, for Mets fans) and take a break every so often from poring over your spreadsheets to appreciate the finer things in the game. If Metropolitan Mike isn’t a credible enough fellow, and he shouldn’t be after referring to himself in the third person, take it from Mr. Schilling and his legion of Sox crazies over at SOSH. Here’s one of Curt’s posts about a former teammate and friend of his who probably isn’t showing up on any lists of MVP candidates, but sounds like a fellow worth watching and rooting for nonetheless.